Present

This week has been full-on hectic, cramming reports, group projects with a test on top of all this, how wonderful. I really wanted to write more but just couldn't get myself into the mood of doing it with so many things in the way. Should be catching up on my studies but I'm now wasting my time writing this. Not sure how this post will go but we'll see.

 I have a really really bad habit, which is online shopping/ browsing whenever I'm stressed even when I know I'll be closing the tab after seeing the total amount of my shopping cart. So I ended up wasting more time, getting nothing done, getting more stressed about getting nothing done (like now). Sometimes I even make stupid impulse buys and then cancelling the order the next day, yeah happened a few times. 

Talking about buying stuff, I wish I can be financially capable to spend money on things I want freely, and not having to think twice or thrice or more just because that thing was out of my budget. Not that I don't think twice before buying, I just hate wasting time on evaluating, justifying, consider this and that when I know I'll make good use of that thing. And now in my final year of uni, that stresses me out even more, everything does when you're in your final year lol. 

Now, I feel like I'm handling stress in a pretty funny way. My stressing tends to pile up, when I'm stressed about one thing, I get stressed by a million more things along the way. But I just let the stress get into me, I just let it mmmhhhhh. Sometimes, I stressed so much that I forgot what I was stressing about lol. I guess this is all from the books I've read like The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) and The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down (Haemin Sunim). Those two are really good books about being in present and learning how to deal with your emotions, not controlling them but observing them in a sense. Good read.

The feeling of being incompetent is really starting to creep in now that I'm in my final year (no I mean, I've always been feeling incompetent loll). I feel like I'm mostly being carried in group projects and not being helpful enough in a group. And seeing others around me soaring and acing in different aspects and I'm here achieving nothing. sigh

Anyway, it feels good to be writing all this. I actually tried keeping a journal myself, but I'm either too lazy to get it out to write it or I just forgot about it. I wanted to do this (journaling), because I thought it would help me keep track on what I need to do, what I want to do and also what I did. Whenever I've got things written out, I'll be more likely to actually do (some of) them and not just thinking, which I feel like that's how I used to be and so ended up, not doing any of them cos I don't even remember that I've ever thought about them. Of course, not just things to do but also importantly feelings (ahhhhh, precious feelings).

When you get things written out, you'll realise: "why am I not doing them, I could just DO them, really". yeah. So now I should really get my ass up and do things.  baiiiii